I had to re-post this piece for wider viewing on my blog. It was culled from a Zimbabwean forum, one of those numerous Zimbabwean fora that specialise in mixing African-politics with sordid humor. I cannot vouch whether Winnie Mandela ever did meet the Iron Lady, Maggie Thatcher, but even if they'd never met, an imaginary meeting between the two "Iron ladies" would still produce fireworks. Read below.......
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At a cocktail party in the United-Kingdom, Winnie Mandela spotted Maggie Thatcher on the other side of the room. She barged past everyone, spilling the drinks of several invited guests on the way. Then Winnie elbowed her way to Maggie, stood brazenly in front of her and declared:
(Winnie Mandela)"I hear they call you the Iron Lady."
(Margaret Thatcher) "I have been referred to by that name, yes", replied Maggie Thatcher, peering down her nose at the impudent upstart.
"And whom, may I inquire, do I have the honor of addressing", asked Maggie icily.
"I am the Iron lady of South Africa!", replied Winnie, pumping her fist in the air!
""Oh yes", replied Maggie dryly, "And for whom do you iron?"
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Thanks for reading. I hope you had a chuckle!
James Chikonamombe
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Andy Brown, R.I.P Fellow Comrade.
This week, one of Zimbabwe's finest musicians succumbed to pneumonia. Andy Brown made a name for himself with the 80s Afro-Pop group Ilanga, and then went onto further fame as a solo musician. Starting in the 90s, he also began to be known for his very vocal support of the policies of Zanu-pf, Zimbabwe's ruling party. Now let me digress here a little bit: supporting the policies and the ideals of Zanu-pf does not mean, in any way, that one is a party stooge who parrots all the ruling party mantras. It simply means that one realises the economic and racial injustices that dedevil Zimbabwe; that one acknowledges the role played by Zanu and Zapu in liberating Zimbabwe from colonial slavery; and that one supports the ideals and aims of the Liberation Struggle (land-reform, equity, education, health-care, racial-harmony etc).
For all of Andy Brown's support of the ideals mentioned above, he was vilified by a large section of Zimbabweans. In his death, some of the comments coming out of the mouths of his fellow Zimbabweans have been scathing, to say the least. What poor, old Andy ever did to to deserve this venom, no one knows. It's now become perilous, even heresy amongst a large section of Zimbabweans, to even espouse ideals that are in tandem with those of our Liberation Struggle. To do so is to invite ridicule, even violence. Such is the time we Zimbabweans live in.
If only people would step back a little, like the late Andy Brown, and note that 4000 white, commercial-farmers cannot continue to own 83% of Zimbabwe's arable land; or that Zimbabwe -- with $2.5 trillion in mineral-resources under its ground -- cannot be content with getting a paltry $190 million in royalties per year from Western mining companies, for all the resources they cart out of Zimbabwe
We need to think about these things, and our late comrade Andy Brown, did indeed think and articulate his thought on these issues. May his soul forever rest in peace.
For all of Andy Brown's support of the ideals mentioned above, he was vilified by a large section of Zimbabweans. In his death, some of the comments coming out of the mouths of his fellow Zimbabweans have been scathing, to say the least. What poor, old Andy ever did to to deserve this venom, no one knows. It's now become perilous, even heresy amongst a large section of Zimbabweans, to even espouse ideals that are in tandem with those of our Liberation Struggle. To do so is to invite ridicule, even violence. Such is the time we Zimbabweans live in.
If only people would step back a little, like the late Andy Brown, and note that 4000 white, commercial-farmers cannot continue to own 83% of Zimbabwe's arable land; or that Zimbabwe -- with $2.5 trillion in mineral-resources under its ground -- cannot be content with getting a paltry $190 million in royalties per year from Western mining companies, for all the resources they cart out of Zimbabwe
We need to think about these things, and our late comrade Andy Brown, did indeed think and articulate his thought on these issues. May his soul forever rest in peace.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Daylight Savings Time....In Zimbabwe?
Early this morning in America, our clocks go forward 1hr as part of Daylight Savings Time. This act got me thinking about my native Zimbabwe, and the fact of how few things are actually "Universal", but are in fact specific to a certain country/region or are specific to a certain generation/time period. If I was go to my beloved native region of Chikomba, in Zimbabwe, and announce to an audience of wisened, old villagers that the clocks had been moved forward by an hour, I would probably be accused of sorcery. Such is the cultural disconnect between my beloved Chikomba and Northern California's Bay Area, the American region I reside in.
The wisened, old villagers of Chikomba, would probably enquire as to "who gave me the right, the wherewithal, to take it upon myself to dictate the change-of-time to them". That our so-called "Daylight savings Time" is meant to increase our productivity here in America, will be lost on the wisened, old villagers of Chikomba. There, time is "elastic" and the rhythms and cadence of village life are punctuated by the agricultural seasons, deaths, births and marriages, rather than by the hourly rituals of economic survival, as it is in most American cities. Some things, in fact most things, cannot be transported out of their cultural environment. Nevertheless, life goes on for the wisened, old villagers of Chikomba, getting on in their lives in that indomitable way that African villagers approach life.
The wisened, old villagers of Chikomba, would probably enquire as to "who gave me the right, the wherewithal, to take it upon myself to dictate the change-of-time to them". That our so-called "Daylight savings Time" is meant to increase our productivity here in America, will be lost on the wisened, old villagers of Chikomba. There, time is "elastic" and the rhythms and cadence of village life are punctuated by the agricultural seasons, deaths, births and marriages, rather than by the hourly rituals of economic survival, as it is in most American cities. Some things, in fact most things, cannot be transported out of their cultural environment. Nevertheless, life goes on for the wisened, old villagers of Chikomba, getting on in their lives in that indomitable way that African villagers approach life.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Margaret Thatcher: The Iron Lady
About six weeks ago, I watched the movie "The Iron Lady" starring Meryl Streep. I was going to blog about the movie and Maggie Thatcher, the person, but I got distracted. So, better late than never, here it is:
The Movie
The acting in this movie is superb. Meryl Streep morphs into Maggie Thatcher, and gets everything right: the shrill voice, the accent, the mannerisms, the steely determination, the intense glare. There is a scene where she's hectoring one of her senior Govt officials for misspelling "committee" in a Govt paper. This scene alone is worth the price of admission! Jim Broadbent is superb as Sir Denis Thatcher.
Maggie Thatcher, the person
Love her or hate her, you can't fault her for lack of trying. In stuffy England, no-one from her lower middle-class background could have climbed to the heights that she did without her steely determination. Americans -- who might be unfamiliar with England's (still) rigid class-system -- might think that she was a feminist icon. She was no such thing. I believe most women hated her, and still do! But inspite of her modest origins, she managed to climb her way to the top of the "greasy pole" (the British political system).
Thatcherism
Something had to be done to stop Britain's industrial decline. Only the discovery of North Sea oil had saved Britain from begging money from the IMF (in '76). Thatcherism, despite all its faults, was the only way to re-position Britain's economy into the modern era. Had to be done, and there she was to lead the charge! A weaker politician would have caved in over the Falklands Islands. Not Maggie! She wouldn't stand for any of that nonsense!
Relations With African Countries
It was under her clock that Zimbabwe would achieve independence in 1980. The Zimbabwean Govt has always claimed that they have warmer relations with the Conservatives than with the Labour party. I tend to agree. In the 80s she would tussle with the other Commonwealth leaders over South Africa. I think that -- like everyone else in the British political Establishment -- she was simply looking out for British interests above everything else. Can't fault her for that.
The Movie
The acting in this movie is superb. Meryl Streep morphs into Maggie Thatcher, and gets everything right: the shrill voice, the accent, the mannerisms, the steely determination, the intense glare. There is a scene where she's hectoring one of her senior Govt officials for misspelling "committee" in a Govt paper. This scene alone is worth the price of admission! Jim Broadbent is superb as Sir Denis Thatcher.
Maggie Thatcher, the person
Love her or hate her, you can't fault her for lack of trying. In stuffy England, no-one from her lower middle-class background could have climbed to the heights that she did without her steely determination. Americans -- who might be unfamiliar with England's (still) rigid class-system -- might think that she was a feminist icon. She was no such thing. I believe most women hated her, and still do! But inspite of her modest origins, she managed to climb her way to the top of the "greasy pole" (the British political system).
Thatcherism
Something had to be done to stop Britain's industrial decline. Only the discovery of North Sea oil had saved Britain from begging money from the IMF (in '76). Thatcherism, despite all its faults, was the only way to re-position Britain's economy into the modern era. Had to be done, and there she was to lead the charge! A weaker politician would have caved in over the Falklands Islands. Not Maggie! She wouldn't stand for any of that nonsense!
Relations With African Countries
It was under her clock that Zimbabwe would achieve independence in 1980. The Zimbabwean Govt has always claimed that they have warmer relations with the Conservatives than with the Labour party. I tend to agree. In the 80s she would tussle with the other Commonwealth leaders over South Africa. I think that -- like everyone else in the British political Establishment -- she was simply looking out for British interests above everything else. Can't fault her for that.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Football and The Power Of African Presidents
I thought I'd post this very pertinent post on the eve of the African Cup Of Nations final between Zambia and Cote D'Ivoire. Note well, I'm recalling from memory so some of the details might be sketchy. In 1981 or 1982 I attended a football match between Zambia and Zimbabwe at Harare's Rufaro Stadium. I went with my elder brother. In those days the (titular) President of Zimbabwe was Canaan Sodindo Banana. Robert Mugabe was still nominally the Prime Minister (although all power rested in his hands).
Now this was the great Zambian team of the early 80s featuring players like Pele Kaimana, Alex Chola and Peter Kaumba. As it happened, Zambia scored a goal in the 2nd half (from what appeared to be an off-side position). The scorer, I recall, was either Peter Kaumba or Pele Kaimana. The ref immediately whistled off the goal as being off-side, but the Zambians protested. The ref would not listen to the Zambian players, so they decided to walk off the pitch. That's when something extraordinary happened: The ref then walked up to the match commissioner, but instead of conferring with the ref, the match commissioner immediately made his way up to the V.I.P stand where President Banana was seated. This was in the full view of all the fans.
After conferring with the President, the match commissioner then made his way back to the sidelines to commiserate with the ref. Then, the ref ran back onto the pitch and called the Zambian players -- who had been standing on the sidelines after walking off -- back onto the pitch to resume the game. Then he signaled that the Zambian 'goal', which had been scored from an off-side position, would stand. In other words, our President had overruled the ref and allowed the goal!
All the while I was being given a running commentary by my elder brother and other fans about what was going on. Once this news percolated through the stands, all hell broke out. That's when my elder brother grabbed me and told me that we must leave the stadium at once. I can only recall following my elder brother down the Rufaro Stadium stands and I never did find out what followed after that.
My point here is that, it's preposterous that a country's President could even take it upon himself to overrule a ref's decision at a football match! But then again, what sometimes happens in Africa must be filed under "to be seen to be believed", or even more ominously, "only in Africa".
The total power that's vested in our African Presidents is overwhelming and suffocating. With no checks-and-balances, their power wades even into trivial matters. Can we imagine President Harper, of Canada, stepping in to disallow a hockey goal, or President Obama nullifying a (baseball) 3rd strike! Preposterous! We Africans need to see to it that our Presidents "know their place" and are hemmed in by Constitutional checks-and-balances, so that they don't overstep their boundaries. We owe this to ourselves.
Now this was the great Zambian team of the early 80s featuring players like Pele Kaimana, Alex Chola and Peter Kaumba. As it happened, Zambia scored a goal in the 2nd half (from what appeared to be an off-side position). The scorer, I recall, was either Peter Kaumba or Pele Kaimana. The ref immediately whistled off the goal as being off-side, but the Zambians protested. The ref would not listen to the Zambian players, so they decided to walk off the pitch. That's when something extraordinary happened: The ref then walked up to the match commissioner, but instead of conferring with the ref, the match commissioner immediately made his way up to the V.I.P stand where President Banana was seated. This was in the full view of all the fans.
After conferring with the President, the match commissioner then made his way back to the sidelines to commiserate with the ref. Then, the ref ran back onto the pitch and called the Zambian players -- who had been standing on the sidelines after walking off -- back onto the pitch to resume the game. Then he signaled that the Zambian 'goal', which had been scored from an off-side position, would stand. In other words, our President had overruled the ref and allowed the goal!
All the while I was being given a running commentary by my elder brother and other fans about what was going on. Once this news percolated through the stands, all hell broke out. That's when my elder brother grabbed me and told me that we must leave the stadium at once. I can only recall following my elder brother down the Rufaro Stadium stands and I never did find out what followed after that.
My point here is that, it's preposterous that a country's President could even take it upon himself to overrule a ref's decision at a football match! But then again, what sometimes happens in Africa must be filed under "to be seen to be believed", or even more ominously, "only in Africa".
The total power that's vested in our African Presidents is overwhelming and suffocating. With no checks-and-balances, their power wades even into trivial matters. Can we imagine President Harper, of Canada, stepping in to disallow a hockey goal, or President Obama nullifying a (baseball) 3rd strike! Preposterous! We Africans need to see to it that our Presidents "know their place" and are hemmed in by Constitutional checks-and-balances, so that they don't overstep their boundaries. We owe this to ourselves.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Memo To A Presidential Candidate
I have an online acquaintance whose e-mails I've been reading for over ten years now, and who's been prepping himself to contest in Nigeria's 2015 Presidential elections. Here's an online memo I wrote to him, telling him what needs to be done in his first 100 days in office.
========================
1) A ban on the wearing of (English-style) white-wigs by judicial officials -- This is a colonial holdover that has absolutely no place in modern Nigeria. Those white wigs look ridiculous on Englishmen, let alone Africans from Nigeria, Kenya, Zimbabwe and Gambia. This madness must stop at once!
(2) A Presidential directive stating that all Nigerians who have received honorary doctorates from dodgy universities will cease to be titled as "Dr" forthwith! -- They can keep their dodgy doctorates in their drawers and stop boring ordinary Nigerians (and other Africans) with their gaudy, unearned titles. Furthermore, all fraudulent PhD holders who style themselves as "Dr" (without having gone through the required academic route), will henceforth have the law of the land brought unto them. This is a pet peeve of mine (and many other Africans, as I've come to realise). A Martian landing on Earth would think that all Nigerians were Doctors!
(3) Presidential Protocol must be followed at all times by the Presidential office-holder -- if the U.S Under-Secretary of State for African Affairs arrives in Abuja, he/she must be met by his/her opposite number in the Nigerian bureaucracy (and not the President himself!). This issue rankles! A visit by a middling,Western bureaucrat often brings African Presidents rushing to the airport (cabinet in tow, sirens blazing!), just to be seen shaking the hands of the (often-bemused) Western official. For example, a visit to Dakar by the Deputy-Mayor of Marseilles will have President Wade dropping whatever he's doing and taking his 86 year old legs to the airport to greet his guest. All boot-licking practices must be stopped pronto! We Africans must maintain our dignity at all times.
(4) Only Nigerian nationals will be appointed to coach the national Football Team, The Super Eagles. In the event that no suitable Nigerian candidate is found, candidates will be sourced from the West African Region or from farther afield on the African Continent -- nothing screams "Inferiority"
Friday, January 20, 2012
Ndoda Zibonele
I've been following the tragic tale of the stricken Italian cruise-ship, the Costa Concordia. 11 people perished and a further 21 are still missing, after it ran aground off shallow Mediterranean waters. But what rankles even more is the behaviour of crew-members and the ship's captain itself, Francesco Schettino. Reports say that once disaster hit, crew-members shoved aside old-ladies to get to the life-boats. The captain himself was one of the first to evacuate the ship, and he refused orders from the Italian Coast-Guard to return to his ship. So much for the ideal of captains going down with their ships!
The insane behaviour of the ship-captain captures the Me First Individualism of today's age. Everyone is consumed in his own affairs, in a hamster-like, non-stop hustle for survival. No-one has any time for anyone else. Even amongst my fellow Africans, famed for our communalism, our Ubuntu, the ethos of dog-eat-dog individualism is now deeply entrenched.
The Ndebeles of Zimbabwe say "ndoda zibonele", meaning man will always take care of himself. But in today's age this maxim has now been stretched to its logical conclusion, with each man now, literally, walking over dead bodies to maximise his own utility. I shudder to think where humankind will end up with this insane and unhealthy behaviour.
The insane behaviour of the ship-captain captures the Me First Individualism of today's age. Everyone is consumed in his own affairs, in a hamster-like, non-stop hustle for survival. No-one has any time for anyone else. Even amongst my fellow Africans, famed for our communalism, our Ubuntu, the ethos of dog-eat-dog individualism is now deeply entrenched.
The Ndebeles of Zimbabwe say "ndoda zibonele", meaning man will always take care of himself. But in today's age this maxim has now been stretched to its logical conclusion, with each man now, literally, walking over dead bodies to maximise his own utility. I shudder to think where humankind will end up with this insane and unhealthy behaviour.
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