Sacrebleu! Mon Dieu!

As we speak, the French are investigating the financial dealings of Presidents Obiang Nguema (of Equatorial Guinea), Dennis Sassou-Nguesso (of the Republic of Congo) , and Omar Bongo (of Gabon). As you know the last two were the poster boys of "France-Afrique", a shadowy network of French interests in Africa and their African lackeys on the ground. Now the French authorities are being disingenuous to a maximum degree. The only reason that the French are now investigating these shady characters is that Messrs Bongo, Nguema and Sassou-Nguesso have realised that ill-gotten wealth must be spread around - like manure. In other words you can't keep all your ill-gotten wealth in one French basket. The money must be spread around between Paris, London, New York, Dubai and Kuala Lumpur. Now this is what has gotten the French ticked off!

Why did the French forcibly replace Pascal Lissouba (the Previous President) with "their man", Dennis Sassou-Nguesso? Because President Lissouba had started leaning towards the Americans and - heaven forbid - the British. He had given key contracts in Congo's mineral sector to American companies. So the French saw to it that President Lissouba was replaced. But President Sassou-Nguesso has now started rewarding contracts to American and Chinese companies. You see, even French slaves know not to deal exclusively with the French, whose duplicity and avarice in Africa is legendary.

The biggest French boot-licker of them all, Omar Bongo, now keeps most of his money in America - he prefers CitiBank. Adding to the French misery is the fact that Obiang Nguema, whom they had been grooming in the boot-licking business, is now doing a lot of business with the Americans and the Chinese. Sacrebleu! Mon Dieu! What's a French bureaucrat to do! That brings us to all the hullabaloo about the secret finances of African leaders that are being investigated by President Sarkozy's government.

No, President Sarkozy, Africa is not some play-thing, some mistress, that you can discard whenever you so please. We Africans will deal with our corrupt leaders in our own way; and then we will take over control of our economies; and then we will send those boot-licking African leaders out to pasture. Having done that we will re-direct African economies towards intra-African trade, and proceed to have zero tolerance towards French shenanigans on the French continent.

Thank you.