Friday, December 16, 2011

When Gaddafi Met Mengistu In Harare.

Folks: you know, in the Deep South of America there still are people who believe that Elvis Presley (The King) is still alive. They've never come to grips with his death. Indeed, sightings of "The King" have been recorded and noted from the bayous of Louisiana to the plains of Georgia. In the same vein, some people will never be convinced of the passing of Mu'mar Gaddafi. He's even been sighted working behind the counters of Arab-stores here in Oakland, California. Anyway, here's my short satirical piece about the hypothetical meeting of Gaddafi with Mengistu Haile Mariam in Harare, Zimbabwe. Bear in mind, that the two were rivals whilst in power of their respective countries, Ethiopia  and Libya.

Note well: the commentary in bold letters is also mine.

In a leafy suburb of Harare:

Mengistu: [in a bitingly sarcastic tone] Well, well, well, speak-of-the-devil! Who do we have here? Is that my learned friend, author of the esteemed Green-Book, Mu'amar Gaddafi?

Gaddafi: Hamdallahi! (praise-to-God). It is I! And is that my dear, brother leader, Mengistu Haile Mariam?

Mengistu: It is indeed! Trust that we would meet here in Harare, Zimbabwe! What brings our dear, brother leader to these neck of the woods?

Gaddafi: [taken aback somewhat] I am no longer the leader of the Libyan people! You know!

Mengistu: [acidly replies] Neither am I the leader of the Ethiopian People! Damn them! Fools, all of them! Habbesha people!

Gaddafi: That makes two of us!

Mengistu: I thought they shot you to death, in Sirte?

Gaddafi: That was a body-double! [to roars of laughter]. To think that I would fight to the death in such a God-forsaken place! That's the reason why I overthrew King Idris in '69; they had tried to post me back to Sirte, amongst the camel-jockeys, so I staged a coup and exiled the King instead!

Mengistu: Son-of-a-gun! I thought you had him overthrown for making sexual overtures to your tribal womenfolk?

Gaddafi: That too!

Mengistu: Son-of-a-gun! [to roars of laughter]. And speaking of guns: whatever happened to your golden gun?

Gaddafi: (a) the rebels captured it (b) it wasn't golden! It was only painted medium yellow!

Mengistu: son-of-a-gun! [to more roars of laughter].

Mengistu: you know, I'm immediately reminded of my own flight from Addis Ababa in 1990.

Gaddafi: 1990? I thought that was in 1991?

Mengistu: No, the man on the 1991 flight was a body-double! [to roars of laughter]. To think I would have risked my life amongst those goat-herders of the Amhara highlands! Phweeww! Furthermore, the Americans who had come to pick me up, would have taken me straight to the Hague!

Gaddafi: Can't trust them cowboys!

Mengistu: I don't trust my own brother! Why would I have entrusted  my life to the CIA!

Gaddafi: Speaking of Harare: what employment opportunities are there for someone like me?

Mengistu: Well, you're such a showman! You could set yourself up as a P.R man here in the leafy suburbs of Harare.

Gaddafi: I know the opposition leader (Tsvangirai) sure needs some P.R! And his spokesman, Tamborinyoka, leaves a lot to be desired too!

Mengistu: You're damn right! You can say that again!

Gaddafi: How can I worm my way into Tsvangirai's inner circle then; to get some much-needed P.R work?

Mengistu: Show up at his office with your bevy of female bodyguards! Works all the time! Our man Tsvangirai is said to have a "zipper problem"!

Gaddafi: Like Bill Clinton!

Mengistu: Yes, indeed, like Bill Clinton! [to roars of laughter].

Gaddafi: Thanks for the advice. We should meet again for some tea-and-crumpet. I've got some juicy, Libyan prison-tales to tell you.

Mengistu: That would be grand! I have a bunch of Ethiopian torture-tales to retell myself.

Gaddafi: Next week KwaMereki (a popular Harare eating-spot).

Mengistu: Sounds good. See you then.



Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha Gersh,how about one on Ala Bee? Sure that would be juicy! The one Gadaffy and Mengistu is classic.

James Chikonamombe said...

To "anonymous": Let's leave Ala Bee(Rupiah Banda)out of it for the time being. He did the right thing when he vacated his post for the incoming Michael Sata.